Let's not fanny about - here's a sexy waveform for your audio side-eyes
There. That's better, isn't it?
Berlin! Berlin the Wizard of Arthurian Legend! Berlin The Bag Rice! "Brr, Lynne - it's a bit cold." "You're telling me, George - my nips are rigid." (c) George and Lynne, 1984.
Also! EIGHT-TRACK SEX PORN and SAD ANCHORMAN TIME
What's this? Some kind of three-weekly bullshit now? Take this: our cast-iron guarantee that if the next one takes this long, it'll be Matt's fault. And you can take that to the bank.
Steve whips an important grammatical feature out of his spontaneous arse. Gav gets his dick touched by Hideo Kojima. And Log brings 1980s Perth to life, with Fruity Chunks - a precious artefact from his perverted friend's childhood.
Does that sound nice? Yeah. Let's not talk about how long it's been. Shusshhhh
Behold: the monofeature! We made a pact this episode to not have features, so we could all look breezy and nonchalant. Guess which prick whipped out a feature? CLUE: IT IS THE ONE WHO IS A PRICK.
This is the point at which I reach out, sensing that my words were too harsh, the capitals too emphatic - but still smarting, you flinch from my touch. And at that point, knowing I have hurt you, I have never loved you more.
Hey, 53 really sounds like Britney, doesn't it? Britney Spears. And here's hoping that you put this podcast into YOUR spears, which in this case is a contraction of the words "special ears". (We said batch instead of bitch, because we didn't want to sound misogynist. Batch can mean a nice loaf of bread, and bakers are basically MEN in the KITCHEN - if you can believe that - so we couldn't be less sexist, as you can see)
What kind of person listens to podcasts from a blog page? Who even are you?
REGULAR FEATURES IN-JOKE HELPSHEET
1. We refer to Steve's "airplane story" in this episode. This is because we're toddlers who can't understand that the contents of other people's brains differ to those of our own. If you want to read Steve's airplane story, it's here, and we talked about it in Episode 33.
2. Matt says "it's like that picture of an eye you took" to Steve at one point. Although frankly, if you don't know about the picture of an eye that Steve took and some dick posted it on Reddit as his own then maybe you don't spend enough time staring at Steve's Twitter. WHAT is WRONG WITH YOU
Welcome to Season Three, you fat hags!
FIFTY! It's the most important number. Jimmy Tarbuck boasted of his "nifty fifty" on a game show that might have been Winner Takes All. It was the number, after 0891 and repeated three times, that got you through to an exciting telephone chatline. It is what a bullseye is worth. And now, most impressively of all, it is the podcast we have just done. And you are going to listen to it