Matt provides advice for after the UK’s inevitable surrender to Russia and details the first stages of The Great Bin War, Steve reads out his first draft of his Helmer newsletter, and Log gets informed he’s an alcoholic just like everybody else.
I put the microphone on the right setting this time, so cool your pies and ladle a hot scoop of this omnidirectional audio into your hungriest holes. Moor our podbarge in your ear canal and we’ll waive the docking fee cos you’re nice. Yeah download the file and hoof it right into your brain come on come on, I don’t have all day.
Gav indirectly murders a woman by alerting her captors to his discovery of their secret dungeon in the flat below his. Steve feigns competence in yet another aspect of his life. Log sits in the corner in a big Victorian ruff, dispensing pink champagne truffles like birdseed, each swing of his arm becoming more and more exaggerated until he tumbles forwards from his stool, yelping in pain and confusion as his helpers rush in to assist. Welcome to this week’s Regular FEatuutuers. x
Do you want hear about Steve’s juicy, bruised buttock? Do you want to listen to an innacurate and poorly acted tribute to Philip Seymour Hoffman? If so, you have a peculiar set of desires. Is there nothing else you want from life? And how will you find the energy to go on, after this podcast utterly sates the sum total of your needs? Will you still even exist? Find out!
What do barges, toilet cubicles, men with spotty backs and enchanted Japanese water have in common? Absolutely nothing! That’s not how this podcast works, you should understand that by now.